There’s a line from Finding Nemo that has somehow become more relevant to me the older I get…
“Just keep swimming.”
It’s ridiculously simple, almost stupidly so. But maybe that’s why it works. Because resilience isn’t always some heroic comeback story. Sometimes it’s simply staying in motion when you don’t know what happens next. Showing up when you’re uncertain. Feeling like absolute shit and still having another go.
It’s been dwelling in my mind more than ever because there seems to be a huge amount of uncertainty around right now. Jobs. Careers. Money. Businesses. Tech changing everything underneath us. People being made redundant, sending application after application, questioning skills they’ve spent twenty years building, wondering whether they’re behind, whether they’ve fucked something up, or whether everyone else somehow received an instruction manual for adulthood that they missed.
// And I think we’re incredibly hard on ourselves through it….
GRIT ISN’T PRETENDING EVERYTHING IS FINE
I remember one of my fav episodes with Mel Robbins having a chat with Angela Duckworth (absolutely brilliant), whose work on grit I’ve loved for years. If you haven’t seen Duckworth’s TED Talk on grit, go find it. It’s worth your time.
Cool, but so what Dan? Well, it made me reflect on things that we often get wrong….
Resilience does not mean being emotionless. Grit does not mean grinding yourself into the ground. Persistence does not mean pretending everything is okay.
I grew up with a fairly strong version of “just get on with it”. When I served in the military (in a past life), you weren’t exactly rewarded for complaining… You were tired? Get over it. Uncomfortable? Get on with it. Angry, frustrated, homesick? Nobody cares… In some ways that mentality is necessary, but you also become very fucking good at compartmentalising.
Before that I spent around 15 years in Singapore and grew up around parts of Asian culture where there could be a similar expectation, just expressed differently. Control yourself. Don’t make a scene. Work harder. Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t embarrass anyone else. Keep your feelings to yourself. Conform. Conform. Conform….
Different environment. Similar lesson…
// Feel less. Function more.
And for a while, that works. Until it doesn’t…
THE PEOPLE WE REMEMBER
But I also remember the opposite.
Those rare adults you encountered growing up who didn’t immediately tell you to toughen up, calm down or stop crying. Maybe it was a teacher, relative, coach or family friend. They just sat with you. Listened. Put an arm around you (back then, it was totes acceptable). Let you feel whatever the fuck you were feeling.
You probably don’t remember exactly what they said. But you sure as hell remember how they made you feel.
Seen. Heard. Safe enough to feel, and just be you.
// I don’t think we grow out of needing that. We just get better at pretending we do.
So perhaps part of adulthood is learning how to become that person for ourselves. Not wallowing indefinitely. Not turning every bad day into an identity crisis. Just being able to say “Yeah, this hurts. I’m scared. I’m disappointed. I’m angry. I don’t know what happens next”.
Without immediately trying to fix it.
FEEL IT. THEN KEEP SWIMMING.
Maybe you lost your job. Maybe you didn’t get the one you desperately wanted. Maybe you’ve sent 100 applications and heard fuck all back. Maybe the business isn’t working. Maybe everyone on LinkedIn seems to be announcing promotions, funding rounds and exciting new chapters while you’re sitting there wondering if you’ve somehow gone backwards (fuck me, I’ve definitely felt this way numerous times).
Fucking Feel it.
Own it.
Be pissed off. Cry. Write. Sing. Play guitar. Go for a walk. Sit in the park. Put headphones on and listen to the song you know is going to absolutely destroy you (Let it snow). Talk to someone who doesn’t feel compelled to turn your life into an action plan within thirty seconds.
The point isn’t to perform resilience. It’s to process reality.
// Because suppressing a feeling doesn’t make you tougher. It usually just means you’re postponing dealing with it.
And then, when you’re ready, take another stroke.
Send one application. Make one phone call. Reply to the email. Ask someone for help. Get out of bed. Try something different. Try the same thing one more fucking time. You don’t need to solve the next five years today.
RESILIENCE ISN’T BOUNCING BACK
I’m not even sure I like the phrase “bounce back”.
It implies we’re supposed to return to exactly who we were before something difficult happened. Kinda like when people refer to post-partum mums as “wow you bounced back quickly)…
// But sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you shouldn’t.
Life changes you. Failure changes you. Redundancy changes you. Grief changes you. Rejection changes you.
You might lose confidence but gain perspective. Become more cautious in one area and braver in another. Realise something you spent years chasing doesn’t matter nearly as much as you thought it did.
Maybe resilience isn’t bouncing back.
// Maybe it’s moving forward without needing to become the person you were before. And maybe… just maybe, grit isn’t never wanting to quit.
Sometimes grit is wanting to quit very fucking badly, allowing yourself to feel that, and then showing up again tomorrow anyway.
DORY WAS ONTO SOMETHING
That’s why I keep coming back to Dory. She doesn’t say “swim perfectly”. She doesn’t say swim faster than everyone else. She doesn’t say know exactly where you’re going.
// She just keeps moving.
That feels particularly important when life is uncertain because our brains are incredibly good at turning temporary situations into permanent identities.
// I don’t have a job becomes I’ll never find a job.
// My business is struggling becomes I’m a failure.
// I don’t know what I’m doing next becomes I have no direction.
Those are not the same things….
// One describes what is happening. The other decides who you are.
So if things feel a little fucked at the moment, give yourself permission to be human about it. Feel it. Sit with it. Find the people who let you be yourself around them. Try to be that person for somebody else too. Then have another go.
You don’t need the whole fucking ocean mapped out.
Just keep swimming.
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PS: Clarity is easy to talk about and surprisingly difficult to create. If your team is currently navigating complexity, competing priorities or strategic drift, I’d be happy to have a chat.
💀🖤
Cheers,
DANIEL JACOBS
http://bjornfox.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/denialjacobs/
Melbourne, Australia
THE CREATIVE STRATEGIST 